I had my Best Ever Tantric Sex the other night…
We were a couple days away from exploring our first chosen and planned threesome together. And instead of paving the way with more love and connection, we had just barely survived one of our biggest fights yet. In the midst of it, he insisted we were “done”. I felt so heartbroken and put off by the whole chaotic mess, I agreed. It was not what I truly wanted, I was just appalled at the combative energy the two of us can wield at one another when we are stressed and not feeling connected. There had been a lack of intimacy lately, in my opinion, as was the case prior to most of our wars. Also planning, let alone navigating, having a sexual experience with another, together as a couple, especially your first time, can obviously be tricky. (My next Blog will share more on that!)
My PMS, and nervousness over our upcoming weekend plans, had brought on a desperate immediate need for physical and emotional intimacy. My partner, mostly due to his extreme schedule, had not met this. I had once again repelled my man with my own neediness and sheer frustration. The instinctual cavewoman in me had won out over the Goddess/Queen. Instead of taking the advice I offer my female clients in this predicament, I had succumbed to pleading, which a man hears more often than not as whining and nagging. Instead of finding common ground, and attempting to harmonize our energies, we continued to each fight for our individual stances on what should be prioritized in our lives. Beat up and having called off our future together, he said he felt sick. “No more talking, just come lay in bed and I will just hold you”, I wearily insisted. I am a HUGE advocate of more touch and connection, and less words, often. Many people need the words first, and more often, than touch. My primary love language is Touch. His is Acts of Service. Like most couples, we continue to learn and evolve how to give love to the other through their love language, rather than our own, as they are usually not the same. (You can learn more about Love Languages here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/)
Off to bed we went. Downtrodden, exhausted, feeling our hearts were broken, angry at each other, shocked, it was all really going to be over? “Thank God”, I thought, “that he is willing to surrender enough to just lay down together to sleep.” I knew intuitively he needed to get out of his head. Although I just about loathed him in that moment in time, I decided to put into practice my own practice to choose to “come back to love.” Reminding myself of my teacher Charles Muir’s words, “Do you want to be right, or be happy?” I had thought those words were meant for the men (Goddess worshiping Tantra men), not the women (Goddesses to be worshiped 🙂
I decided to try worshiping my battered man-hero who had put aside his ego and gotten into bed with the woman he considered the “she devil” herself. After a few minutes of holding him lovingly and sending energy to his chakras while he lay on his side, I found myself gently holding his amazing lingam I so adore. It did not take long for my man’s energy to move from a small spark to a steady fire burning. Suddenly his need and desire for me, to be deeply connected to me, overtook him. The most amazing tantric sexual experience began. Now I am not simply writing this post to brag about my profound lovemaking experience. What I want to convey here is that although there were Tantric elements to our sex (that I will list below as they certainly added to and heightened this experience), one does not need to know anything about Tantra to experience extraordinary sex.
Tantra has been my choice of paths that got me from great typical, physically connected, mainstream sex, to sex that’s full body-orgasmic and soul riveting, intensely deep and spiritual. The kind of sex that really can’t be described in words, but must be experienced to know, in an embodied way, the difference. The honest truth is though, you don’t need Tantra, you need energetic awareness and connection, which is what Love is in so many ways. Tantra can be taught, Love cannot. It must be KNOWN, FELT, CONVEYED, EXPERIENCED. I’ve had plenty of Tantra sessions with professionals that lacked being able to fully tap into LOVE in themselves, therefore they could not convey Love through their energy, words, touch, either. This never feels very good, no matter how skilled they are. Real Tantra teachers, in my opinion, effortlessly emit (not forcefully ooze!) LOVE, in the purest way. The Dalai Lama for example, he practices white Buddhist Tantra. Whether you practice white or red (more sexual) Tantra, you can BE LOVE in your practice. You want to learn Tantra? Learn to be loving first. Discover the LOVE that you are inside you. Bring that to your practice, whether it involves lovemaking or not, bring it to everything you do and are.
Don’t have a huge fight and see if your make-up sex is the best ever. I would not even categorize what we did as “make-up sex”. Our issues were not resolved. We didn’t “make-up”. We did show up, completely surrendered and with no expectations, and then we made love. Because we are love, and loving each other is never our issue. Our total surrender to each other, as if it could have been the last time we ever connected in this way, had an effect. One that I think we now know in our bodies, in our souls, how to do more. Even as sex coaches and lovers, we are constantly working on intimacy issues like other couples. My teaching has become based far more on my personal experience in this committed relationship, then all of my years in “school” (i.e. Tantra training’s).
We each felt we had nothing left to hold onto, so we let go. It began in a relaxed position we often use, and recommend to couples we work with. Relaxing with him inside me allowed us to stop thinking and just feel. The energy slowly built and peaked, and built and built, and built and built, and peaked, and built again, and on and on into the night. We rocked and rolled, and moaned and groaned. I screamed and cried, and my voice opened and sang a siren song. We stopped and were still, then we began again, and we pounded and arched our bodies, and rode orgasmic waves big enough they drowned everything. An open window beside the bed provided live ocean wave and tree’s swooshing sounds, along with the wind entering our love nest to play with us. My voice and these natural sounds rose and fell over and over again, crescendo, then stillness, and slowness and gentleness, then building again and again…and again…sheer timelessness, spaciousness, utter union.
You get the picture.
Now I have a LOT of sexual experience. And when I say “the Best Ever”, this is no joke. I’ve had a hell of a lot of “Best Evers”. Where my man took me on this ecstasy ride was deeper into the cosmos, and my own body, than I have ever been, all at the same sweet time. Our soul’s truly merged. Words again, cannot describe. One must experience.
And here’s the thing. You can! It doesn’t take years of training or a million and one techniques. It takes a whole lot of surrender, trust, and LOVE. I am not saying you can’t have this experience with a new partner; you may very well be able to. If you can really love, and trust, and surrender to another human that you don’t know much about, that deeply and passionately. If you are in a relationship where your intimacy/sex/passion has dwindled, or has become non-existent, if your LOVE for one another is still there please realize that’s really the key to having your best ever sexual experience. You can have sex with anyone on the planet, but to have sex with the person you have chosen to trust, surrender to and LOVE over time, well that just makes it all more powerful in your connection with that person. New sexual horizons and experiences can open up in a heartbeat when you do reconnect your LOVE and sex. So Come Back to Love. That’s all it is all really about. You want the Best Sex Ever? Choose LOVE.
This goes for you if you are not in a sexual relationship with another. Sounds cliché but it’s true… love yourself deeply first. Get so connected to your heart/Love and sex that you can experience the most profound orgasmic ecstasy and connection in your own body and soul, you and the divine in union. The dance is the same in this aspect whether with yourself or another. If self-pleasuring is not your forte that lifts you to new heights of connection and well being in your life, please come to us we can coach you how to get there easily.
Now I will wrap up this Blog with this list of additional goodies you can create and add to make any sex more splendid. These are just some of my fav’s that happened to also be present that recent evening of bliss. But don’t forget that the key element is always, always, always, deeply surrendered and pure thoughtless soul exposed, the most natural essence of life and you, LOVE. So don’t be afraid to show it and let it grow 🙂 I did not think I could ever feel even closer, and love my partner anymore than I already did. Well, it happened and it was even easy, and has continued well past that evening, and through more upsets and disagreements. He and I, myself and I, God/Goddess and I, we are on a whole new level 🙂 WOO HOO!
Top 10 Tantric Elements That Heighten Any (Sexual) Experiences
- Knowing How to LOVE Deeply, and How to Express & Convey that Love Through Your Body.
- For Christ’s sake please BREATHE. Openly and Fluidly. Do not hold your breath under any circumstances. Learn the Art of Breathing deeply and smoothly (not erratically, or periodically).
- SLOW DOWN!!! Go as Slow and Be as Still as you can, and then become even more so. Times of stillness can bring the most orgasmic moments. And the Slower you go the more connected you will be.
- Build and Spreadthe Energy. Practice Being Yin, then Yang. Make it a Dance. Don’t do one on repeat for too long. Short strokes, long strokes, shallow thrusts, deep thrusts, try it all. Experiment.
- Be loud. Open up your mouth, let whatever sounds want to come out do so. Orgasms increase exponentially while Sounding. Use a pillow if don’t want others to hear.
- Play with your PC muscles. Do this daily and strengthen/tone these love muscles to be able to send your partner (and/or yourself!) to the moon just by pulsing them!
- Separate Giving and Receiving.Practice only one at a time. Especially great for foreplay.
- Surrender, Trust, Open.And if you or your partner is not, stop immediately and address what needs to be addressed for you or them to Surrender, Trust, and fully Open.
- Have No Expectations. For anything. Not orgasm or anything else. You will have more pleasure when your expectations are out of the way.
- Commune with Nature.An open window, ocean sounds in the background if no ocean nearby, whatever works for you to bring the natural elements into your love nest in whatever ways you can.
The above list is just some of the key elements and experiences we recommend and expand on in our teachings. Want to learn more and expand your practice of these? Schedule a session with us please.
P.S We are still offering a special $100 one hour coaching session, in person or Skype/phone, a great way to get more access to what you need to uplevel your sex/life & relationships!
P.P.S The next Blog will be about how to have a conscious loving sexual experience with a third party! So a three-some at it’s best! 🙂 Be sure to SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BLOG!