“Tantric experience means neither to be repressive nor to be indulgent. Tantric experience is possible only if you move deep into meditation, otherwise not. When you become very very still, silent, aware, alert, then only is it possible that you will know something of tantra. Otherwise, tantra can also become an excuse for indulgence — a new name, a religious name. And you can move into indulgence behind the name of tantra. Names won’t make much change; your being needs change.” Osho
Namaste Beloveds!
I bow to your darkness and your light, to your highs and lows, to your wisdom and knowledge, to your fantasies and fetishes, worthiness, selflessness, selfishness, ego, shame and guilt, to your sexual nature in all its aspects, to your Nature and very soul, in all the ways you express and embody yourself in this world. We are all inherently Divinely perfect.
I am tired of any thoughts otherwise. I am exhausted by the useless perpetuation of aggression and fighting, be it in the larger world, nations, schools, our homes, and of course within ourselves-where it all starts.
I have been in a whole lot of “NOT FUN” lately. My partner and I have had a lot of shit to deal with and my head has been absorbed where it should not be, up my and my partner’s ass and not in an orgasmic way.
Life, Tantra, everything on this planet, is about polarity. Expansion and contraction. Over and over again. In breath, out breath. Contract, Expand. Expand, Contract. It is a must to survive to learn how to ride such waves of energy and vibration. This is ever so apparent when it comes to relationships, intimacy, and of course sex.
I had a huge sexual expansion with my partner last Saturday. Followed by a great big fat contraction. The expansion and contraction is not always equal, but know that the more you can expand, the more you may contract an equal amount. Be aware you are playing with fire when you are playing with sexual energy. Sometimes someone can get burned if you do not take the appropriate precautions. I believe this is just as true for meditation, with expansions and contractions in consciousness, and creating new neural pathways. Tantric sex is meditation.
Become conscious of these cycles of expansion and contraction and always expect the opposite will eventually happen. We must breath in or out again or we die. It’s the same with the emotional/physical responses in the bedroom. One follows the other, and repeats again, maybe not immediately, but eventually. Sometimes in a small fizzle or spark, other times a wildfire can rage.
For us, the expansion was a hot cataclysmic build up and edging of orgasmic energy for an extended amount of time. The contraction was a 48 hour shit storm of quarreling spurred by my jumping into work afterwards. My partner felt unacknowledged and under appreciated. Add to it that we had to part ways for 24 hours shortly after our intense body and soul unification. Then most importantly to note, neither of us had grounded ourselves and our energy, individually or together, enough.
Yes, I am the Tantra teacher and should always know to do this. Yes, I teach this. And…
I am also a woman with predominantly diffuse awareness. The opposite of my male partner’s predominantly single focus. I leaped out of bed and began attending to several distractions concerning my business, home chores, and the cats. They were all screaming loudly at me at once. My partner was just laying there in silent bliss.
I should have stayed in bed longer with my lover, connecting our bodies and breath, until we both felt fully integrated and grounded. Another 20 minutes doing so probably would have saved us from two days of disharmony, plus passionate disrespecting of each another.
Some Basic Lovemaking Aftercare Guidelines:
Do: Stay present and connected with your partner, continue to touch, eye gaze and hold each other after sex until you are both satisfied and full. Disconnect very slowly and consciously. Ground and align your energy. Ask your partner for what they may need. Allow yourselves integration together and separately.
Do Not: Jump out of bed. If you need to leave for the bathroom or for whatever reason, ask your partner first. Tell them that you will remain connected and return to the bed shortly. If your partner, or you, are emotionally triggered for any reason, know that it is common for sex to bring up trauma, and other stored emotions in the body. It is possible to overstimulate, blow out, or singe your chakras and your nervous system. Sexual energy is high voltage electricity!
The protocol is this: Do not react to your partner’s experience negatively! Hold space, hold them, show empathy and compassion. Stay grounded. Find out what they need and do that immediately. This too shall pass much quicker and easier if you can be their healer and support in that moment.
Be gentle on yourself and your partner when you do f*** things up.
Say, “I bow to all parts of you.”
“I bow to all parts of myself.”
We are inherently divine beings even if, and when, we can be real assholes to one another. May we see the contractions for what they are, and allow for more of the energy of Namaste to be the blessing we give ourselves and others, whether in contraction or expansion. In and out of the bedroom. Find the balance within the extremes, within yourself.
After fighting, back to lovemaking!
Here’s to more success in your sex!
XO!!! and NAMASTE!!!!!
Sacha
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