Feel like your Sex or Relationship Life is in the dead of winter?

Trust me, we have all been there. Our sex and relationship lives are rhythmic in cycle, and their changes may even be fairly predictable, just like the changes in seasons. They can be as extreme as the harshest New England winter Nor’easter, compared to the dog days of summer heat, on the beach with a gentle breeze, and the ocean at a perfect temperature ready to cool your sun kissed body. Both experiences offer different kinds of beauty and stimulation. Most of us have a clear preference as to which we would rather be outside in. Like the seasons, our sex and relationship lives expand and contract, repeatedly, sometimes abruptly and other times more languidly. The first experience may bring shock, upheaval, and disapproval. Going from a gentle and pleasantly warm fall to a winter with multiple feet of snow and temperatures in the teens may feel unacceptable to some. Yet we understand it is just Nature, it is simply the climate here in New England. It would behoove us to view our sex and relationship lives, with ourselves and with others, similarly as following natural cycles. Exponential growth at one time of the year, at one time of our lives, and then within months a recovery period of dormancy comes, followed by another cycle of rebirth and regrowth. If your sex and/or relationship life has reached a period of feeling fallow or frozen do not despair, a time of fertility is on the horizon. Give yourself the opportunity to accept what is now, and to trust that a different season is on it’s way.

Are you willing to open to the possibility that by letting go of focusing on anything negative that you don’t want currently, you are allowing and aligning with multitudes of possibilities of a more enjoyable time coming your way?  You are making friends with your own nature, your body, your cycles, and wisdom. The way out of contraction, not only for your sex and love life, but for anything, is to accept it and it’s timing, just like winter. Trust spring will be along at some point. This does not mean you have to idly sit on the couch dismayed at what you think is horrible weather. It is weather, it is temporary, always in flux, like our sex and relationships. There are a million plus ways to work on your love life, activate your sex life, increase your sexual and intimacy potential, energy and skills. We can offer you a repertoire including the cream of the crop in sex, relationship, intimacy and communication skills, ancient and modern tantra, orgasmic mediation, the secrets to sexual ecstasy, the latest and greatest on sexual anatomy, arousal and response. You can have and experience it all. A whole new sexual diet of experiences to grow your sex and love life into the summer of your dreams! But, if you are still complaining about the damn winter, and focusing on how cold you were and how much snow piled up and all the shoveling you had to do, it won’t be as likely, easy or as fun to make that dream summer come true, or to enjoy it while it lasts. beach

Taking this topic straight home to us here at Sacred Temple Arts, as Best Sex & Love Life Coaches haven’t exactly been having our best sex and love life together. By far. For months. Here is what I have gleaned from this experience. We both love each other madly, we know how to run sexual energy like rock stars, we work and coach great together, and we have external pressures in our lives that have created explosions and chaos in our home like never before. It may be summertime here, but I feel less sensually alive and turned on to my life now then I did in the winter, in that picture above of me snowshoeing at Halibut Point. What could have gotten me to this state? I am not a believer in our feelings and thoughts having to be dictated by outside circumstances, and in fact I believe we are better off creating our lives from the place of choosing our feelings and thoughts, and specifically choosing ones that are more pleasurable. So our situation was becoming more confusing and difficult for me.

What I discovered is that when it comes down to it, my partner and I have different choices most of the time about what feels good to us, and what we wish to experience. My feelings of choice are more connection, more intimacy, more quality time together, co-creating our business and lives and vision. Ian has realized he wants more personal and relationship freedom, more alone time, more travel, new experiences. I come from a long sexual history of expansion and freedom in my chosen sexuality and relationships. I was more poly when we met. He comes from a long sexual history of mainly primary relationships, monogamy, and two marriages. I loved this past winter being snowed in. He hated the restrictiveness of driving, and thought it was miserably cold. We are simply two very different and unique individuals, which really we all are that. We ebb and flow as to how we feel moment to moment, week to week, month to month and years to years, just as we do in our relationships and sexuality. Always growing and expanding without any downtime of repose and reflection is not only unhealthy but unlikely, it will happen whether, like the weather, you like it our not. The only thing you can control is your acceptance and ability to ride out whatever is happening now.

On July 25th Venus went retrograde, an astrological event that is trying relationships at this time. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/07/venus-retrograde-2015-relationship-karma-goes-full-frontal/  To be aware of this happening may or may not interest you, it is simply a point of caution I am relating. I am well versed in paying attention to astrological events that may cause more emotionality and intensity, especially during a period of my relationship already in that phase. In times when your sexuality and/or your relationship seem to be in a downward spiral, or at a total standstill, remember that contractions are natural, like the seasons. And that internal (conscious and subconscious) and external (in your immediate perceived environment or cosmically) are always at play. Make a shift in your perspective to allow for whatever is happening to be, without so much focus on the negative, and without putting judgement or blame on yourself and/or your partner. Do the most important thing you can do, focus on your pleasure. Do what brings you pleasure.

Get in alignment with yourself. Stop focusing on what isn’t working, what you don’t have, and what your issues or problems are. Allow yourself to fall more in love with you, exactly as you are. Consider that the solution to getting anything in your life, including of course your Best Sex & Love Life, does not lie in the problem. Your Best Sex & Love Life Ever imagined can be created, expanded and multiplied by simply letting go of the limits and restrictions and challenges you are staring at right now. Allow for the fresh and inspiring energy of a long awaited spring day to overtake you, as you awaken from the partial slumber you have been in for those cold winter months. The only constant is change. Take solace and pleasure in the changes making their way daily to you. As my partner and I question what is next for us in our partnership, deeper connection? a new vision? separation? polyamory? we are learning to trust more that we both know we want to continue to evolve ourselves and our lives to having the Best Sex & Love Life Ever, together or apart. We have had the Best Sex & Love Life experiences, along with the Worst Sex & Love Life experiences. When I choose the title “Best” Sex & Love Life Coaching”, I knew it was an evolving process and exploration, filled with expansion and contraction, not a fixed place one gets to and then stays forever and ever. We allow for the changes in seasons that must and will always come. It is always our choice as to how we perceive them, and how we decide to weather the storms.

Please share in the comments below your experiences or comments on sex and relationship expansion and contractions. We want to hear from you! And stay tuned as to how we move forward into our next expansion of our Best Sex & Love Lives!

Choosing Pleasure Always!


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